Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
