A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
