franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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