is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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