i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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