Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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