Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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