hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
