Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
