worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
