I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
