I wannas sexs uuuuu
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
