Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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