You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
