So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
