Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
