So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
