You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat