whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.