I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee