If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that