i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
