What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?