I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the condom got lost in my hair
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.