I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?