I just threw up on my dentist
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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