i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.