Pappa wants mamma naked
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
