can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go