I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
