Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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