the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
