i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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