Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
