So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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