Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
