Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
