Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
