hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
