My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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