....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pour the whiskey from now on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
