I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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