just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
