I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
