The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
