awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
