Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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