we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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