i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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