I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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