I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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