There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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