He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
