Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
