I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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