I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
