Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
