she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
