Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
