If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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