he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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