At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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