I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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