I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
