If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
