did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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