Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it because I queefed?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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