Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
