I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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