is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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