just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
