My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
