I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
