I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
