that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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