goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
