Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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