watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
