I am in a vortex of obligation.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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