69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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