I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
