the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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