what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
