yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
